Have a good one
Had on December 8, 2024.
“Have a good one!”
I have always wondered what the hecklegroober that means. A good what? A good one what? Why not a good two of them? Or three? Or 2136,279,841 − 1? I was pretty confident I had a good one—but one what, I had nary a clue. In fact, I probably had many good ones. Perhaps even a plethora of good ones. I probably had some bad ones too. And some so-so ones.
This circuitous rumination about ones and their benevolence was getting me no closer to knowing what “good one” I am supposed to “have” when someone tells me, “Have a good one.” So, I stopped having a go at deciphering “Have a good one” (for now).
But later, I decided to ask the Internet: What “good one” am I supposed to have? Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that no one can edit anymore, lacks any page on the phrase whatsoever, although a similar “Have a good day” page alleges synonymity. Wiktionary’s page, whereas it exists, lacks both an etymology and which “one” it’s all about—although now I learned “valediction” is a word I’ve been missing all my life. And WikiHow, although amusing as always, is no help: It has an entire page on when and why to say “Have a good one,” how to respond (“Right back at you!” often works), and numerous detailed and informative pictures illustrating how to say it without embarrassing yourself, yet it is entirely bereft of elucidation upon what this “good one” is supposed to be!
I closed the browser tab in gruntling frustration. The “good one” I am commanded to possess remained a mystery.
Was it that supersonic, ballistic farting spree I went on back in 2007? (Now that was a good one!) Was it that fried moose synapse sandwich I ate back in 2012? (Now that was a good one!) Was it that Outer Limits episode with Alyssa Milano nude? (Now that was a good one!)
At last, it came to me in my slumber: It matters not what the “good one” is—just that I would have it. I awoke at peace, knowing I would. Wikipedia had failed. Wiktionary had failed. Even WikiHow, worthy of so many sensible chuckles, had failed. But it matters not at all: I shall have a good one. A good one indeed.
When I arose, the birds were singing and the sky was bluer. Even the grass was greener (except where that dog had peed on it). Indeed, the birds must have been having a good one. My own heart leapt with joy; I started singing. The birds flew off. I guess they were going to go have a good one elsewhere. But I didn’t care. I was at peace.
One way or another, I knew I would have a good one. A good one, all right. A really good one. And that’s why I voted for Nicki Minaj for President this year. (She has a good two!)
“Have a good one!”